We have here a guest blog post + guest comic combo from Big Fish Mag. For those who don’t know BFM, here’s the pitch:
Tuco Benedicto Ramírez once said, “I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise”. Unfortunately, this does not have anything to do with BigFishMag. It just introduces an element of abstractness (or so we think). What BigFishMag has is: Funny Articles (so we think, again), Hilarious Webcomics (and again) and B-Grade movie reviews. What we do not have is a reason for readers to leave our website, ever; and that is the primary reason why you haven’t heard about us.
PS: This website is dedicated in the loving memory of our friend who had cancer in the ass. Although no portion of our income will go to any patient with cancer in the ass, it will make you think twice before ruthlessly clicking on the red X on top of your screen.
Every smoker starts off life as a non-smoker. Unfortunately, the non-smokers fail to come to terms with this simple fact and treat their brethren with more contempt than there is for Israelis in Palestine. There has always been a war of sorts between the two (Both Israel-Palestine and Smoker-Nonsmoker). A non smoker hates a smoker because he smokes. A smoker hates a non smoker because the fucker just won’t let him smoke in peace!
With the media and everyone else (Catholic wives Club, Nudist transvestites against tobacco, Mrs. Sharma’s Kitty Party…etc.) on the side of the non smoker, the war was always one sided. The smoker never had a voice, or maybe he lost it to throat cancer. On behalf of the smoker, I bring you
‘THE MOST ANNOYING NON-SMOKER QUOTES’
Yes, ‘Smoking Kills’! The smoker understood it first up. The non smoker wasn’t too thrilled with this. He couldn’t possibly let the SOB get away so easy. So, he cooked up an evil little plan in his head. It constituted annoying the hell out of the smoker by prophesying his death, over and over and over again. A tactic borrowed from the humble realm of roadside astrologers.
I don’t think it’s very polite to tell someone ‘you’ll get cancer’ or ‘you’ll suffer and die’. Non smokers have stopped paying heed to their manners. Have you ever seen a smoker go up to a fat guy eating a burger and say ‘that burger is gonna give you a heart attack’, or just go to an old lady and tell her that she’s going to kick the bucket soon? Manners! Learn some ye non smokers!
‘Plain text isn’t enough. We need to send out a stronger message’
In comes the idea of pictorial warning signs on cigarettes. Who exactly are these pictorial signs meant to target?
1) If they are targeting the uneducated, then I’m sure he won’t know why the fuck is there an image of a lung on his bloody cigarette pack. As a matter of fact, he won’t even know that the image is of a lung. The uneducated aren’t too good with biology.
2) If they are targeting the educated, then guess what? They can already read. The last time pictures were used to explain something was kindergarten. Remember A for Apple with an image of an apple next to it. I think we have all passed that stage now. We know what a bloody apple looks like without a picture for reference. If people need images to understand something, we can safely say that we have moved down the evolutionary ladder by a rung or two.
If the entire idea of pictorial warning signs wasn’t ridiculous enough, the non smoker comes with this image:
‘Tobacco Kills’… check. ‘Tobacco Causes Cancer’… check. Scorpion…. WTF!!! Can someone tell me what the fuck is a scorpion doing there? How exactly is this scorpion supposed to get people to stop smoking? Quit smoking or I shall sting you?
It’s supposed to be a crab, you idiots. How did they skip from crab to scorpion? No fucking clue. I guess crab is too old school for these guys. Scorpion is the IN thing.
Some one even suggested having gory images on cigarette packs. How the hell do such people get into power? Fuck that. How exactly did this guy come to life? The sperm that created this person was probably competing with 1 million disabled sperm. If not, then Darwin lied about evolution. Today cigarette packs, tomorrow you’ll see images of mangled corpses at railway crossings to dither people. How about placing images of the victims of terrorist attacks at Taj, in all of its rooms, as a warning? Ridiculous?… yes. Stupid?… yes. Retarded?… fuck yeah!
‘Smokers are a threat to society’
A smoker can hardly run for more than 10 seconds. If that is a threat to you then you got some real fucked up medical condition!
If you are worried of second hand smoke, then let me tell you second hand smoke isn’t the reason for global warming.
‘Only stupid people smoke. So quit it’
Apparently, your IQ is quite influenced by smoking. Start smoking and it decreases. Quit it and it increases. Oh, the wonders of smoking!
If only stupid people smoke, then why do you want to save them? Let them die. In fact, go find stupid people and introduce them to cigarettes.
‘I don’t smoke because it’s not even a cool thing’
This means you would have smoked if it had been a cool thing. I hate this quote the most. It comes from the kind that has no identity of its own and does everything on the basis of it being cool or not.
If the anti-smoking non smoker still thinks that he belongs to the side which cares more about life, then I guess you don’t know who led the first anti-smoking campaign. Don’t know? I’ll tell you. The person is………. *drumroll*……… Adolf Hitler. The smoker side requests for two minutes of laughter.
The purpose of this article wasn’t to glorify smoking in any way. It was meant to make you see the other side of the coin which is obviously neglected. Hopefully now you’ll realize that those who smoke have made their choice. How about letting ‘em be?